Reflections on Mummy’s first death anniversary

December 2, 2007 in Uncategorized | No comments

by May (Twa)

As I held Mummy’s hand when she breathed her last breath, I was reminded of the time she held my hand during my time of labour with Yin when Philip was away in KL.

And the memories kept flashing by – all good ones of our times as a family- night fishing trips with hot milo and sandwiches Mum had prepared, of picnics in Changi beach with endless supply of food; but the memories I remember most are the quiet ones that she had with my children…..

And Mum loved children. If Papa had allowed her to she would have had a dozen. She could pick out each of my children in the hospital nursery without looking at the name tag; and the memory of each of them – Yin, Shen, Chen when they were babies lying next to her as she looked lovingly at each of them is clearly etched in my mind. She always took the time to ask about their schoolwork, grades, and how they were getting on, and always remembered every birthday and special event in their lives.

It was not difficult to make Mum happy. Her eyes would sparkle just by the little thoughtful gestures made – like Wei Min and Ce’s satay, Yu’s dukus, Hsin’s pork balls, Li’s gifts from her trips abroad, Jen’s cheerful morning greeting “Hallo Mummy” whenever he was in Singapore, Philip’s positive response to her Readers’ Digest letters, and my lemon meringue pie and cheeselets. She was always so appreciative as if we had brought her a treasure.

She had a zest for life, always planning surprise parties for her children, so much so that we would be surprised if we did not have a surprise party on our birthdays. She organized my wedding gathering at home with a beautiful iced cake decorated with Honolulu plucked from our garden, which looked like the leaning tower of Pisa as the hot weather wore on.

She would throw parties to celebrate every event – from our grandparents’ birthdays to Chinese New Year and Christmas, and she would train her children to greet guests as they arrived with cigarettes held in a special container that opened up like a fan of cigarettes.

When I look back at all the family and social events she organized every year, I realize that these events helped us as children to hone our skills at being able to mingle with anyone regardless of their social status. Her good friends were the chicken rice seller, the jewellery salesmen, the fruit man and the list goes on and on. Her heart always went out to those in trouble and she was generous beyond a fault.

Her main goal in life was to give – to give of her time, her care and concern, her money, her jewellery. Her joy was in giving more than in receiving. She would repeat many times “What do I want so much money for?” and would sign away her assets as fast as she could trusting that her children would always be there to look after her.

She also loved us all unconditionally. Never once did she give me a lecture about my poor grades in school or when I had to sit for a re-paper during my first year in University. It was her love that spurred me on to work harder on my own without having this pressure to excel.

If there was one word that would be synonymous with Mum it would be
LOVE……………….LOVE……………….LOVE.

She loved God with a childlike faith, trusting Him at all times, good or bad.
She loved all of us - children and our spouses, grandchildren, and Papa passionately beyond the limit her frail body could hold.

It saddens me that she is not around to receive the news of Chen’s successful admission into the medical faculty as it was her wish for her to become a doctor, to attend Yin and Shen’s wedding dinner, and to know that they have both found loving husbands in Mark and Jeff who love and care for them as Papa did for her; and to see her beautifully kept glassware and crockery, Peranakan antiques and kebayas eventually treasured by her grandchildren as they set up their own homes.

It is only now that I finally understand why Mum treasured her jewellery so much when I look at the pieces she gave to me.

All the pieces she owned held a memory, a piece of her, her mother, and her mother’s generation- a memory of the ones she bought the jewellery from who became her good friends, and the events in her life she celebrated when making the purchase of each piece, and the memory of each child who gave her a piece out of their own heart, no matter how small or insignificant. She remembered them all.

And her legacy goes on as we love and accept our children, our spouses and each other unconditionally and without any expectations and as our children too will love their children and their children’s children in the generations to come.

Her greatest contribution I believe has been her faith in God and the Christian values given to us, which were passed down from her mother.

This faith has stood strong and bonded us as a family and is now passed down to our children’s generation.

MUM, on this first anniversary, we thank you for your unfailing love in God and your limitless love for all of us.

We pray, Father God, that you will continue to look after her well till the day when we all will meet her again.

We love you dearly, Mum.

Your loving daughter May (Twa)

A eulogy by wayne

March 10, 2007 in Uncategorized | No comments

Not exactly the one i gave at the wake though.

Being one of the younger ones in the family, i did not have the chance to really get to know mama, not until nearer the end. In the last few months, things about her past were suddenly put out in the open as everyone started to reminisce about her. She danced! She sang! She played the piano beautifully! And then there were always the fantastic cakes that she baked for any occasion. Her pure white cream cakes and a luxurious wedding cake among other things will go down in history.

One might ask. Do i feel left out for not having known her in the earlier days? I say no. I didn’t miss out as much as one would think. Why? Simply because of the gifts she has bestowed upon all of us. How a fragment of her dwells within each one of us. Our family shares all her traits as a whole. We have superb bakers and cooks, we have a few salsa fanatics, we have a chorus of angelic voices as witnessed at the mass, we have pianists, violinists, many many guitarists, and a drummer, capable of making a full band, with the skills, talents and inspiration to make a good one at that.

So would i say i miss Mama? definitely. She united the family even through the darkest hours. The heartache of a lost loved one is not an easy burden to bear. Yet in the face of crisis after crisis, she persevered and with the help of intense family bonding borne out of hardship, her family passed them with flying colors, taking her along in the glory of triumph over defeat.

On the week prior to her death, i was rehearsing for the commisioning parade thinking we would be able to show her a video of it from her room or something close. I pushed myself for the role of contingent commander because i knew this might be the one last thing that i could make her proud about. I got the post in the end, but i didn’t manage to show her the results. I wasn’t even there when she finally passed on. Oh the irony! What i worked so hard to achieve, the very thing that i wanted to give as the finale, blew up right in my face. because of rehearsals, i wasn’t there.

But then i realised. Once her spirit wasn’t in her room, then i believed that she was with God. And God is everywhere isn’t He? So Mama was watching me from wherever she wanted, with a front row seat if she wished. So on the day of the parade itself, i stood proud in front of the contingent. It was only after the parade when i was looking at the photos that i realised how high my nose was pointed compared to the others. Haha i must have been seeking a higher purpose. It was all for you Mama! We’ll miss you and cherish you forever.

What I’ll Remember About Mama

December 14, 2006 in Uncategorized | No comments

Eulogy by Chen

Ever since I can remember, Mama has been the centre of this family. Every Sunday and Christmas Eve, we all gather in her room in ‘Mama’s house’ to spend time together. She really is the one who has brought our family together through all these years.

One of the things I’ll remember about Mama is the way she always tried to spoil us, her grandchildren. She was always ordering enormous boxes of fruit, and lots of jewellery, for us. She knew I liked to read, so for years she’d order the Reader’s Digest condensed books for me. Her face would light up whenever she presented them to me and I thanked her. And even when she was eating her own satay or cream puffs or all the other food she loved, she would always offer some to us and tell us to ‘makan’ first. She was just so generous in all the ways she showed her love to us.

Mama was really beautiful and she loved beautiful things too. She was an excellent baker and used to critically comment on all the cakes we brought her from home. She liked flowers too and although she couldn’t go down to see the garden, she was always pleased to see the flowers we brought up for her. She especially loved jewellery and would make us open box after box of her collection for us to admire again and again. She liked to see all of us well-dressed and would always scold the girls for not wearing enough jewellery and for ignoring her instructions to rub lotion on our hands every night. She loved curly hair and would always encourage my sisters and I to perm our hair to make it even curlier. Although she was mostly confined to her room in the last few years, she never lost her interest in and her love for all the good things in life.

Although Mama suffered from Parkinson’s Disease and often had to ask us to rub her head with Tiger Balm or knock her arm to ease her aches and pains, she remained cheerful and ready to joke with us whenever we came to visit. Though her body wasn’t able to move around much, her mind was still amazingly sharp. She watched CNN devotedly and memorised every single earthquake, typhoon and shark attack that had happened in the past week, so she could warn us about them. She knew when everyone’s birthday was and kept up to date with everyone’s progree in school and work. She was always asking me for my exam results and would be so excited whenever I had done well. This year she asked me for my ‘A’ level results every week for 6 months even before I had taken my ‘A’ levels. Even this week, when she was feeling so sick and tired, when I told her I had found a job, she managed to give me a thumbs-up and say ‘good’. That’s the last thing she said to me and I think it really sums up the deep and selfless love she had for our family.

A tribute to Jen’s Mum

December 9, 2006 in Uncategorized | 1 comment

We do not know Jen’s Mum. We only know Jen. But because we know Jen, we assume a lot about his mum. She must have been a wonderful woman with the ability to love her children in a way that is seldom found. She must have been able to focus on what is important, to honour heritage. She must have had much courage and know how to make life a worthwhile engagement, instilling it with day to day meaning and hope. A woman with principle and care for details. A woman who appreciates beauty and practicality.

We do not know Jen’s Mum. We only know Jen. But what a loss her passing must be, and the sharing of such grief must take so much emotional space… and so it should, for Jen’s family has taken so much positive space in his life, and we are most grateful for this.

To Jen and his family, please accept our deepest sympathy.
You are in our thoughts.
Lynne & Carmen

Dance, Laugh, Sing!!!

December 7, 2006 in Uncategorized | No comments

Eulogy by Fen

Those of you gathered here tonight for my Mama’s wake will realise that this is not your typical wake service. From the songs we have chosen, to the way we have conducted tonight’s service, it is a celebration of her life, and definitely something that you would not expect at a normal wake service. I think this is the way Mama would have wanted it to be, because tonight’s wake represents who she was in life. Somebody full of joy and passion for life.

I have always known what a privilege it has been to come from a warm, close, loving extended family, and I believe that our love and concern for Mama has been what held us together. Our lives will never be the same, but we take consolation in the fact that she has gone into the arms of our Heavenly Father. She has left us with a legacy of love to carry on.

My Mama has not had an easy life, but I believe she lived a life without regrets. Her sacrificing love and selfless spirit is what has inspired me the most.

I think she also died a good death as well. Surrounded by all her children and most of her grandchildren. Surrounded by singing, laughter, wonderful memories of who she was and most of all surrounded by love. We were all able to say our last goodbyes, and we were with her when she breathed her last. It gives me great comfort to know that she went to God peacefully and that she is now in a place where there is no more suffering, no more pain, no more sickness and no more tears.

The last few days before her death were also very special. One would expect that if the family knew she was going to die, the last few days would have been very gloomy, sad, depressing days. Instead, the whole family spent the last remaining days of my Mama’s life in her room, playing the guitar, singing hymns and her favourite songs, enjoying our family time together, and of course lots of memories of the person my Mama was. Of course there were tears, but mostly it was just wonderful time spent with my extended family.

It was in the wee hours of the day that Mama passed away, while we were praying for Mama and saying our last goodbyes, that my auntie Yu Ling had her second vision. Her first vision is described in my cousin Wern’s entry in this blog. In her second vision, My Auntie Yu Ling saw a vision of Christ who was walking away from us, holding the hand of a little girl. The little girl was dancing, laughing and skipping happily along beside the Lord. At that time, we did not really understand what it meant, but on hindsight, I believe that the little girl is my Mama, and she is now singing, laughing, dancing and skipping happily alongside our Heavenly Father.

Finally, I just want to say, I love you Mama, till we meet again, I will always carry a piece of you in my heart.

A Grandmother’s Love

December 6, 2006 in Uncategorized | No comments

Eulogy by Yin

There are a countless number of things I could say about Mama. I could speak of her great love for durian and cream puffs, or the way she would tell us to powder our faces and that my rebonded hair was too straight. I could also speak of her vast knowledge of current events. She was probably one of the few grandmas who watched CNN and knew all about what was happening in Iraq or which areas had been hut by natural disasters.

But what I want to speak of is Mama’s love for us. She has poured out her love on us all these years. I have never met someone who loved so unconditionally and lavishly. Mama never stopped showering her love on this family, in both good and bad times. Her life was not an easy one, raising six children and having been home-bound for more than ten years. Yet she has always loved us with an abundance of love. I remember the fruits she’d have sent to our house, the jewellery she’d ask Leonie to help buy for us. She’d keeo track of the latest jewellery discounts in the papers. She was always concerned for our safety and how well we were doing in school. She always remembered our birthdays. Her dream was to see her grandchildren doing well in life, getting married and having children. Through her, we experienced the kind of love God has for us.

What I will miss most of Mama is the relationship we shared, as grandma and granddaughter, but also as friends. Though Mama’s hearing was mostly impaired, she loved talking to us. The conversations I had wiith her, sitting in her room, are what I cherish most. Mama had such a great sense of humour and wit. The sparkle in her eyes and cheeky smile were contagious. I remember one of the first few times she met Mark, my boyfriend, she asked him how old his grandpa was, and to my great amusement, offered herself in marriage to him, with a glint in her eyes. I thank God for a grandma who always desired to connect with us and know what was happening in our lives.

Mama was a beautiful person, within and without. She was a beautiful lady in her younger days. In her old age, she always had a glow and radiance about her. Best of all, she is beautiful inside.

It is said that it is not the individuals that make a family, but that a family makes the individuals in it who they are. I think this depicts so well the legacy that Mama has left for our family. I have rarely heard of many families as close as ours is. I am sure you could see it even as they all came up to sing just now. Her love for us has drawn us together in God’s love. She has taught me to love life and live it to the fullest, even under the most difficult of circumstances. To always be cheerful and to give generously to my family and those I love, to always be gracious and treat others with the greatest respect.

We have gained her passion for life. Mama loved beautiful things - flowers, clothes, bright colours, good food, lovely music. She was intensely interested in many things and her mind was always alert and active. As a result, I have a bucnh of crazy uncles, aunties and cousins who really have fun together.

I am glad Mama has gone to be with her Heavenly Father. It is God’s grace that we have been so peaceful and joyful in knowing she has gone to be with Jesus, although we grieve because we miss her presence with us. I thanks God for Mama’s life and for HIs love and grace that He has shown my family through her. I just want to say I love Mama very much.

The Happy Ones

December 6, 2006 in Uncategorized | No comments

Yeah, I know, we probably know this poem by heart now….but I thought I would add this because I feel that this really describes who Mama Was and Is.

The Happy Ones

Only the happy ones will feel at home in the bright mansion where all sorrows end

Only the happy ones will wake and run into the arms of a beloved friend

Only the happy ones who have gone their way leaving a trail of love and laughter here;

They who have glorified the common day, scattering gold of kindness and good cheer.

Only the happy ones who have shared their joys, willingly sacrificed and gladly given,

They, only they could hear the smile of God that shines on the faithful and the gate of heaven

Mama was one of the happy ones. Although her life has not been the smoothest, she lived her life with this poem in mind. Sharing her joys with the ones she loves, willingly sacrificing her happiness for those closest to her and gladly giving all she has without thought for her own needs.

She was one of the kindest people I know, and all my aunties have learnt that from her, especially my Auntie May Ling, She has truly left a trail of love and laughter in each of our lives, and that is something that lives on forever and ever, even after she is gone.

To my Mama, one of the happy ones, may you always be happy. One day we shall meet again in that bright mansion where all sorrows end.

Our Hearts Will Always Have Your Photograph

December 5, 2006 in Uncategorized | No comments

Eulogy by Hsin-Ling

Mum always had such a special bond with her children and grandchildren.

For Mummy & I, that bond was somehow extra special. She often recapped when she gave birth to me, she almost haemmoraged to death. And 3 days after I was born, I turned blue and she almost lost me to pneumonia. She would almost immediately chuckle and say that that particular December month was exceptionally rainy and that the nurses didn’t change my diapers often enough!

I speak on behalf of my family, to say that Mum is the most amazing person we have ever known! We have such vivid and fond memories of Mum. Her baking, how she would chase the kids away when she iced her cakes, because we would disturb her! She was such a perfectionist and she made beautiful cakes!

Those of you who have tasted her popiah and ox tail soup would know how good it was. And these were Pa’s hot favorites. She would faithfully ‘ta-pow’ more than his portion on Sundays before he went off.

Despite her being deaf since she was two, she sang so well, she danced the waltz so gracefully and she played the piano so heavenly.

My loveliest moments with Mum which I shall cherish and miss most would be snuggling up to her, kissing her, touching her, looking at her smile and hear her laughter, just enjoying her wit and sense of humour. The big baby that I am, as you can see, will miss snuggling up to you, Mummy, and taking in all your love, and the scent of your baby powder!

Two weeks ago I asked her on the white board : Are you OK? How are you feeling? ” She put a thumbs up sign with her left thumb!

Her last audible words to me two weeks ago were, “Thanks for everything”. And I replied on the white board: “Mum, it is you whom we thank for everything, and that I love you very very much!”

Her last moments with us were so very precious and meaningful. We were all by her side. She stayed in the presence of the Lord. The prayer we prayed went: “Mummy, we are all here with you. We love you so much. We surrender you to God, and go, go in peace. Fly and soar on wings of eagles into the loving arms of Jesus. We commit you to God.” And she took her last breath.. we released her into the presence of God, and she went peacefully.

We thank God for her life, her unshakeable faith in Jesus, her love for Papa and for us. We thank God for the lovely way in which He took her.

We love you Mummy. You are so original! Go walk, skip, leap, sing, go eat, go waltz and dance in joy!

In the words of my daughter, Werny, “Mummy, our hearts will always have your photograph.”

Mama’s Maytime

December 5, 2006 in Uncategorized | No comments

Eulogy by Wern

One of the things people often said about Mama was how beautiful she was, even in her old age. Her grace and posture reminded me of a royal, regal queen. My cousins and I used to joke that, unfortunately, we wonder where these genes of beauty and grace went to because we certainly inherited none of it in our generation, with our klutzy and tak senonoh ways! But, we’ve also been fortunate enough to see and experience her great inner beauty and exuberance of life.

Mama was mischevious as an imp, with a constant sparkle in her eyes. To catch this glint, one would have had to be equally cheeky and I lived up to it as a young child, often teasing and laughing with her. She used to come up to KL and spent a lot of time together with my mum and I. I cherish the times we spent in that little room, laughing on the bed and room.

Once, I was reading my poems to her from my little poetry book. She then demanded for a page of her own to write a poem, in which she described herself as a little piglet who was being fattened for future use - as she was born in the year of the pig. Horrific as it sounds, this was a perfect display of her great sense of humour.

Mama was always loving and physically affectionate to us grandkids, often touching and hugging us. I actually used to hate and run away from the smells of hong yu and tiger balm, as she’d make us rub her with these oils. But I love the smells now, as they will always remind me of her, remind me of the touch of a loved one upon another, skin on skin, massaging away her surfacial pains with deep love and care.

Each time I visited her from KL, she’d touch my face gently and cup my chin tenderly in her palm, gaze at me intently as if she were memorising it to store in her head as a precious memory, till the next time she would see me.

Mama was also a cool, adventurous grandma who loved singing, shopping, travelling and above all, watching movies. I remember watching old James Bond flicks and classic black & white musicals with her on rented video.

2 nights ago, our family sat around her in the room to pray and sing the songs she loved to her. I’m reading from my journal entry on the 1st December 2006:

“While praying, Jee-Ee had a lovely picture in her head of Mama emerging from the sea. She was young, supple, alive with a radiant face, fresh and beautiful. It was a promise that she would emerge from this diseased body into another world, a land where her spirit could now be complete and whole.”

It reminded me of the old-time movie Mama and I watched together, Maytime, which she loved. In the movie the lady passes away in her old age, and joins the lover of her youth, hand-in-hand, walking in a beautiful garden of blossoms and trees. This is what I imagine Mama to be doing right now, free from this frame of flesh to walk amongst the flowers she loves.

I sat in Mama’s empty room yesterday and looked blankly at the bed she was just taken away from. A light has gone out, in this world. There’s a gap in her room, an empty space where she once lay, a space as big as an ocean, as the hole and ache in my heart. But deep as this black hole is, her love for us, and our sweetest memories of her, will fill it up completely - to live on as the exuberant and adventurous cool granny she was.

I’ll end with a song from “Maytime”, that she sang to me on my birthday over the phone when I was far away in the UK last year, in her broken voice, yet strong and full of spirit. (My birthday is in May):

Sweetheart, sweetheart, sweetheart,
Will you love me ever?
Will you remember the day
When we were happy in May,
My dearest one?

I love you Mama, my dearest one.

A Diamond In The Making

December 5, 2006 in Uncategorized | No comments

Short Sharing, Ng Yu Ling
Wake Service for Choo Gwek Cheng, Sunday 3rd December 2006, 7pm

My mother loved jewellery, jewellery of all kinds. She loved to buy them, she loved to wear them, and most of all, she loved to give them away. Her delight was to give pieces to her children and grandchildren. She saw the value in all kinds of gems but her favourite was diamonds.

As I thought about my mother’s life, I see a parable lived out, the parable of a diamond in the making.

3 main elements are needed to form a beautiful, sparkling, radiant diamond.

(a) It starts with an ordinary, non-descript piece of coal, carbon atoms. In this form, useful only to be fired as fuel to cook, to warm. Never seen as an adornment on a woman’s finger.

(b) The second element that transforms that piece of coal, is a combination of heat, pressure and time. Exposure to enormous heat, pressure of the earth over years and years, this piece of coal becomes compressed into its crystalline form. Nothing more than a piece of crystalline rock to the untrained eye.

(c) However, when a gem master, experienced and trained in his craft finds this piece of crystalline rock, he sees beyond its crude form to the potential it has for beauty. Identifying flaws, he uses them, cuts along these flaws, grinds and finally buffs, polishes to highlight and bring out the true beauty of the gem. The sparkle that puts sparkles in women’s eyes so much so that the phrase is coined “Diamonds are a girl’s best friend”.

Not many of you know my mother or her life story, but, hers is truly like that of a diamond in the making.

She was born in 1923, a beautiful, intelligent girl but with what she perceived as flawed with a genetic hearing problem. As a teenager she struggled with this disability. In her day, she had to use an ear trumpet to aid her hearing. The embarrassment of hearing wrongly, hearing badly and having to use an ugly and obvious listening instrument only drew attention to her disability. She grew insecure and isolated.

As her life story developed through the years, she went into the heat of disappointment, disillusionment and despair. But little did we know that these pressures of life through time were forming a diamond.

What seemed like crisis, tragedy, sadness and years of pain to all of us, the trained eye of the master craftsman, Father God used. He used the “flaws”, “cutting, grinding and polishing” with his trained hand, tempered by his loving, loving heart, formed a gem (a diamond in the making) in my mum.

That’s how we who know her, see her. To us she sparkled and brought light to our lives.

She left us with

A legacy of life
She taught us compassion, kindness and generosity – the truly precious things of life.

She gave us

A legacy of laughter
She inspired us to laugh.Tears were familiar and frequent in her early years. But her later years were years when joy and laughter filled the house whenever we gathered as a family.

And above all else, she imparted to us

A legacy of love
She lived out love, unconditional love, by lavishly dishing out to her children and grandchildren, and even to those who had hurt her. This love we have learned to spend in each other and others.

All these she left to us because God the Father took this one seemingly ordinary life, pressured it and processed it, polished it to shine for Him.

In this life, Mum was a diamond in the making, but now she is with her heavenly Father, she is perfect, flawless!

2 Cor 4:7-10 best sums up her life:
“But we have this treasure in Jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted but not abandoned; struck down but not destroyed. We carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.”

This Father God you can also know. Jn 14:9 “Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father”. We can know Him through His Son, Jesus Christ. Please feel free to speak to any of the family members if you would like to know more about Jesus.

Thank you